The following is the Forward from
Men’s Healing: A Toolbox For Life
co-authored by Stephen Andrew, LCSW, LADC, CGP
with David J. Powell, Ph.D. and Alan Lyme, LCSW, CAP
which is now available!.
Forward
By John Lee
The Sears Craftsman toolbox comes in a variety of colors and sizes just like the men
who use them. But the large red one on wheels with what seems like a million drawers
is by far most men’s favorite. It has room for dozens and dozens of tools the mechanic
can pull out and use to make major and minor repairs and adjustments.
Shouldn’t men in general and therapists in particular have a tool box full of equally fine
tools to help repair a man’s life and his relationships? Wouldn’t it be nice if you had an
eighth of an inch or half inch wrench to tighten up or loosen up the nuts and bolts of
recovery? Or perhaps you need a pair of needle nose pliers to pull out all the things that
got stuck inside you since early childhood such as bad advice, barbed comments and
put-downs. And, of course, you’ll need a vice grip to hold onto the things that were taken
away prematurely like vulnerability, trust and feelings in general. Picture yourself pulling
out a Phillips or flat head screw driver that could be used to secure your relationships or
unscrew yourself from all the ways a man gets screwed by being seen as a success
object or by screwing up his own life with drugs and alcohol. Now you have just such a
tool box right now in your hands.
Alright, perhaps I’ve carried the metaphor a little too far so let’s talk about mentors.
Remember some years back the testosterone television sitcom Home Improvement? It
centered around a fictitious show called Tool Time which was hosted by Tim “The Tool
Man” Taylor (played by Tim Allen), a blue collar worker from Michigan who was famous
for grunting his affection for power tools and vintage cars and loving them only slightly
less than his television wife and children. But the best part of the show was his
relationship with his mentor next door neighbor, Wilson, who helped befuddled Tim with
life’s questions and conundrums. Now imagine that on the day every boy was born he
was given —not only a large shiny red emotional, spiritual, psychological toolbox with
everything in it he would need to work on his life— but also a wise, compassionate
mentor. What would that boy’s life look like, be like, and feel like? What if every time a
monkey wrench was thrown into his relationships with his father, mother, lover, employer
or higher power he could walk into his back yard, poke his head over a fence and ask his
mentor for guidance? The book you have in your hand is like a mentor—filled with
guidance and suggestions.
I’ve been working on my own “men’s issues” and have counseled, coached and
facilitated men’s groups, workshops and conferences for nearly twenty-five years. I’ve
read virtually every book written for and about men and have even written a few of my own.
I’ve been taught by —and had the privilege to teach with— leaders in men’s work; greats
like Robert Bly, Dr. Robert Moore, Malidoma Some, Robert Johnson and several others.
So when my friend, Alan Lyme, sent me Men’s Healing: A Toolbox For Life and asked me
to read it and write the forward, I was a little reluctant to read yet another “men’s book”.
Man, was I pleasantly surprised and delighted! I underlined all kinds of things I’d never
heard said or never thought of before. The authors of Men’s Healing: David J. Powell
(PhD), Stephen Andrew (LCSW, LADC, CGP), and Alan Lyme (LCSW, CAP) are brilliant,
powerful men. They have not only put their hearts, heads and souls into this book, but
they have also included genuinely useful tools to help anyone who loves, lives with or
works with men.
The authors have achieved three very important things extremely well:
1. They have brought their collective knowledge, wisdom and years of experience in
working with men and put it in one man-ual.
2. They have successfully pulled together the best ideas, insights, information and
guidance from their own mentors and teachers into a single powerful book.
3. They have written it all down in a highly organized and very reader friendly way—not
always an easy thing to do.
To be a man in these ever-changing times is challenging to say the least. Speaking
for myself, I need all the help I can get from wherever I can get it, to navigate my white
water ride through work, relationships, recovery, parenting and friendship. I received
some real guidance from reading this book and I know you will as well.
There is an old Arabic proverb that says, “A man sets out on a journey that takes him
two hundred years to complete. If he had a good guide it would have only taken him two
days.” With this book, you have a good guide, a toolbox full of important information, and
three mentors who are a step or two further along on this journey into deep masculinity
and recovery. I hope you read it, do the very powerful exercises in it, ponder its wisdom
and pass it on.
Men’s Healing: A Toolbox For Life
co-authored by Stephen Andrew, LCSW, LADC, CGP
with David J. Powell, Ph.D. and Alan Lyme, LCSW, CAP
which is now available!.
Forward
By John Lee
The Sears Craftsman toolbox comes in a variety of colors and sizes just like the men
who use them. But the large red one on wheels with what seems like a million drawers
is by far most men’s favorite. It has room for dozens and dozens of tools the mechanic
can pull out and use to make major and minor repairs and adjustments.
Shouldn’t men in general and therapists in particular have a tool box full of equally fine
tools to help repair a man’s life and his relationships? Wouldn’t it be nice if you had an
eighth of an inch or half inch wrench to tighten up or loosen up the nuts and bolts of
recovery? Or perhaps you need a pair of needle nose pliers to pull out all the things that
got stuck inside you since early childhood such as bad advice, barbed comments and
put-downs. And, of course, you’ll need a vice grip to hold onto the things that were taken
away prematurely like vulnerability, trust and feelings in general. Picture yourself pulling
out a Phillips or flat head screw driver that could be used to secure your relationships or
unscrew yourself from all the ways a man gets screwed by being seen as a success
object or by screwing up his own life with drugs and alcohol. Now you have just such a
tool box right now in your hands.
Alright, perhaps I’ve carried the metaphor a little too far so let’s talk about mentors.
Remember some years back the testosterone television sitcom Home Improvement? It
centered around a fictitious show called Tool Time which was hosted by Tim “The Tool
Man” Taylor (played by Tim Allen), a blue collar worker from Michigan who was famous
for grunting his affection for power tools and vintage cars and loving them only slightly
less than his television wife and children. But the best part of the show was his
relationship with his mentor next door neighbor, Wilson, who helped befuddled Tim with
life’s questions and conundrums. Now imagine that on the day every boy was born he
was given —not only a large shiny red emotional, spiritual, psychological toolbox with
everything in it he would need to work on his life— but also a wise, compassionate
mentor. What would that boy’s life look like, be like, and feel like? What if every time a
monkey wrench was thrown into his relationships with his father, mother, lover, employer
or higher power he could walk into his back yard, poke his head over a fence and ask his
mentor for guidance? The book you have in your hand is like a mentor—filled with
guidance and suggestions.
I’ve been working on my own “men’s issues” and have counseled, coached and
facilitated men’s groups, workshops and conferences for nearly twenty-five years. I’ve
read virtually every book written for and about men and have even written a few of my own.
I’ve been taught by —and had the privilege to teach with— leaders in men’s work; greats
like Robert Bly, Dr. Robert Moore, Malidoma Some, Robert Johnson and several others.
So when my friend, Alan Lyme, sent me Men’s Healing: A Toolbox For Life and asked me
to read it and write the forward, I was a little reluctant to read yet another “men’s book”.
Man, was I pleasantly surprised and delighted! I underlined all kinds of things I’d never
heard said or never thought of before. The authors of Men’s Healing: David J. Powell
(PhD), Stephen Andrew (LCSW, LADC, CGP), and Alan Lyme (LCSW, CAP) are brilliant,
powerful men. They have not only put their hearts, heads and souls into this book, but
they have also included genuinely useful tools to help anyone who loves, lives with or
works with men.
The authors have achieved three very important things extremely well:
1. They have brought their collective knowledge, wisdom and years of experience in
working with men and put it in one man-ual.
2. They have successfully pulled together the best ideas, insights, information and
guidance from their own mentors and teachers into a single powerful book.
3. They have written it all down in a highly organized and very reader friendly way—not
always an easy thing to do.
To be a man in these ever-changing times is challenging to say the least. Speaking
for myself, I need all the help I can get from wherever I can get it, to navigate my white
water ride through work, relationships, recovery, parenting and friendship. I received
some real guidance from reading this book and I know you will as well.
There is an old Arabic proverb that says, “A man sets out on a journey that takes him
two hundred years to complete. If he had a good guide it would have only taken him two
days.” With this book, you have a good guide, a toolbox full of important information, and
three mentors who are a step or two further along on this journey into deep masculinity
and recovery. I hope you read it, do the very powerful exercises in it, ponder its wisdom
and pass it on.
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